Meant To Be
by frostygossamer
Summary: Dean wakes up in an alternative world where everything seems perfect. But Sam has a secret. Inspired by 'What Is and What Should Never Be'. One-sided Wincest. COMPLETE
1. Paradise

Summary: Dean wakes up in an alternative world where everything seems perfect. But Sam has a secret. Inspired by 'What Is and What Should Never Be'. One-sided Wincest.

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A/N: Something a bit angsty for a change of pace.

Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural, its fandom, its characters or anything connected to them. I do not make money or profit in any way from this story.

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Meant To Be (Part 1 of 3: Paradise) by frostygossamer

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Dean woke with a start, from a dream about possessed agricultural machinery. He shot bolt upright in his bed. Sam was missing. Actually Sam and his whole bed were missing. Dean shook his head to wake himself all the way up.

He was in a single room, and he hadn't fallen asleep in one. He had fallen asleep in the usual beat-up twin-bed motel room they always rented, in the bed nearest the door, with Sam snoring noisily in the other bed, where he was supposed to be. What was going on?

His hand automatically slipped under his pillow to find his knife. No knife. He jumped out of bed and looked around for his duffel. He tried the closet. No bag in the closet, but his stuff was all there, hanging neatly in a row. He searched the nightstand. No gun. What the hell?

Right then there was a soft rap at the door, and a female voice asked, "You decent, honey?"

He glanced down at himself. He was wearing pajamas, striped freakin' pajamas. He grunted in the affirmative and the door opened a crack as a gentle-featured middle-aged woman peeked in, a smile decorating her face.

Dean almost forgot to breathe. It was Mary. It was his mom. Alive!

~o~

Dean was still feeling a little numb as he sat at the breakfast table, watching his dad tuck away a stack of homemade blueberry pancakes. This was so obviously a dream.

He caught John's eye mid-mouthful.

"Gonna get cold, son," he warned, gesturing at Dean's plate with his fork.

Dean grinned and started to eat. The pancakes were good, just the way he remembered them. Mary poured him a cup of coffee and sat down beside him.

"Here, honey." She smiled prettily, passing him the cream.

She looked a little surprised when he passed on it and chose to drink his coffee black.

"Don't tell me you're on a health kick, like your brother," she joked.

Dean paused from eating. "Sure. He stays in shape, right?" he asked, trying to keep it casual.

Mary chuckled. "You can ask him yourself Saturday," she said. "Jess just called. They'll be popping over again at the weekend. That's twice in the same month. I must be doing something right."

Dean smiled as he finished his breakfast. Sam was OK. And Sam and Jess were together? Guess, in this world, his brother HAD gotten that apple-pie life he wanted.

~o~

So here he was in some alternative reality again. A world where his mom and dad were alive and well and happy. As the week progressed, he managed to fill in some more of the blanks about his alternate life.

It seemed that in this world also, Sam had gone away to Stanford to study law. Only here he had graduated and successfully qualified as a lawyer. After graduation he had married his sweetheart Jessica, and they were now living happily in the city.

Dean had moved out and got work as a car mechanic, something he loved. There had been a succession of women in his life, Julie, Jodi, Kathy, Suzy, Lola, and they were just the ones his mom knew about. Finally he had settled down with a girl named Penny, whom John was particularly fond of.

But last year he and Penny had broken up. Subsequently Dean had moved back in with his parents temporarily, to save money, and was working at a garage near by.

He and Sam had apparently very much grown apart since Stanford. To the extent that they had not spoken for almost a year before Dean moved back home. Once he had, Sam couldn't exactly avoid him, despite the fact that Dean didn't seem to care much for his brother's wife, for reasons Mary couldn't fathom.

Dean felt a little sorry about the distance between him and his baby brother. But, after all, that happens in normal families. He was just glad that Sam was happy and doing OK.

All in all his life in this world was boring but safe. Everyone was alive and happy. It seemed like paradise. But every paradise has its serpent.

~o~

Dean slammed the car hood down, and he was wiping the sweat from his brow with a forearm when he noticed Jess hovering self-consciously on the garage forecourt. He wandered toward her, rubbing his hands on a dirty rag. He barely recognized her after all this time. How long had it been? But he was glad to see her looking well.

"Hi, Jess," he greeted her. "What brings you here? Problem with the car?"

Jess shook her head. "Dean, I was wondering if you were free for lunch," she explained.

Dean was surprised. He and Sam's wife weren't exactly close in this world. Now Jess wanted to go lunch with a scruffy mechanic rather than her girlfriends? His immediate thought was something must be wrong with Sam.

"Sure," he said. "There's a quiet little place just around the corner. I'll go wash up."

~o~

Ten minutes later they were sitting in a booth in the diner.

"What's wrong?" Dean asked, in what he hoped was an understanding tone of voice.

Jess fidgeted nervously. "It's Sam," she said.

Dean was afraid of that.

"I think he's having on affair," she went on.

"You mean you think Sam's seeing someone else?" Dean smiled. "Seriously? Seeing some woman behind your back. Does that sound like our Sam?"

"No. I know it doesn't," she admitted. "But he IS up to something. He's been sneaking around, being evasive when I ask where he's been. A couple times, when he said he'd be working late, I called. He wasn't there."

Dean chuckled. "There's gotta be a simple explanation," he said. "Sam's no cheater. Believe me. I know him."

"Of course you do," Jess agreed. "That's why I've come to you. You're his brother, Dean. I figured maybe you could ask him, find out if I'm just being paranoid. I don't want him to think I don't trust him, but..."

He patted Jess' hand reassuringly. "I'll have a word with him," he said. "Don't you worry. It'll be nothing."

Dean just hoped Sam wouldn't take his interference the wrong way. This Sam wasn't his Sam, and he wasn't going to open up to him the way he was used to. This Sam wasn't his best friend.

Dean was sure Jess was wrong to have suspicions about his brother, but then again maybe, in this world, Sam didn't have that stick up his ass.

~o~

Sunday was a beautiful day, and John decided to have a barbecue. So all the family were sitting out in the back yard enjoying the sun.

Dean flipped the cap off of a beer, and handed it to his brother.

"Things OK at home, dude?" he asked casually, as he sat down with his beer on the bench beside Sam.

Sam was hunched forward morosely, with his elbows on his knees and his knees wide apart, almost monopolizing the bench. Dean lolled back and stretched his free arm along the chair back behind him.

"Jess and you good?" he probed.

Sam sighed. "Jess is fine," he replied quietly. "Jess still has no idea. Thank God."

"No idea?" Dean prompted. So Sam WAS hiding something after all. "You sure about that?"

Sam looked at him. "Don't sweat it. There's no way she'd ever guess. Hell, this is WAY too weird for Jess to ever suspect."

"Weird?" Dean queried. Sam was into something weird? Sam? Strait-laced Sam?

"Know what you said, Dean," Sam continued, turning round to face him. "But this IS weird. Wonderful but weird. It's illegal for a reason."

"Illegal?" Dean repeated. Honestly, he was shocked. What the hell had Sam gotten himself into? Drugs? Cheerleaders? Worse? Sam went to Law School for God's sake!

"Yeah. I oughta know," Sam agreed, and took a swig of his beer. "I'm a lawyer, right?"

Dean was burning to know the details of his brother's crime. But, right now, he thought he had better just act supportive.

"Look, man," he said. "It's not so bad. It's not too late to quit."

"Quit?" Now it was Sam's turn to question. "Wanna quit? Seriously? After everything you said? After everything we've... done?"

That retort left Dean a little confused. What? He covered by concentrating on his beer for a few moments.

"Dunno what I said but..." he began.

"I remember every word you said, Dean," Sam snorted. "Say you don't and you're a freakin' liar."

Dean almost choked on his last mouthful of beer. What the hell was Sam saying? What the hell?

"Sam!" he gasped. "Don't understand..."

"C'mon," Sam said, standing up abruptly and grabbing his arm. "Come with me in the house. Out here so is not the place to talk about this."

TBC

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A/N: So what's Sam's secret?


	2. The Serpent

Summary: Dean wakes up in an alternative world where everything seems perfect. But Sam has a secret. Inspired by 'What Is and What Should Never Be'. One-sided Wincest.

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A/N: So what does Sam want to tell his brother?

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Meant To Be (Part 2 of 3: The Serpent) by frostygossamer

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Sam pulled Dean up from the bench and dragged him in the house. As soon as they had gotten in the hall, he pushed Dean in a closet. He closed the door behind them, pushing his brother up against the wall, covering his mouth with his own in an urgent kiss. Dean struggled to push him off.

"Sam!" he gasped. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Don't try to mind-fuck me, Dean," Sam growled. "Can't stand it. You're making me crazy."

"Sounds like you're already crazy, man" protested Dean.

Sam ignored him. "You SAID we were meant to be. You SAID we couldn't go on denying it. You SAID... YOU said you needed me and that I needed you. And, God help us, you were right."

Suddenly Dean put two and two together.

"You're having an affair... with ME," he said flatly.

Sam's features twisted in pain. "Call it an affair if you wanna," he hissed. "I call it an upside-down, adulterous, incestuous insanity. And the worst thing about it is, I'm loving every moment of it."

Dean exhaled sadly. "Oh, Sammy," he said, pulling his sobbing brother's face into his comforting shoulder. "What have we done?"

~o~

That night, as he lay on his own single bed staring at the ceiling, Dean pondered what he had found out today and what the heck he was going to do about it.

He didn't know if this crazy counterfeit existence was a djinn-poison induced vision of happiness-lost that had somehow gone badly wrong, another cautionary tale summoned up by that douchebag angel Zachariah or some sick joke from the twisted side of trickster Gabriel's sense of humour. Whatever, he was stuck with it, and it was up to him to make it right.

There he had been, thinking this place he had found himself in was some kind of paradise. Boring but safe. Everyone was alive, everyone was happy. What more could he ask for? And then he had found out that there was something deeply rotten in the state of Denmark, so to speak.

Jess had been right. Sam WAS cheating. And HE was the stupid jerk-ass that Sam was goddamn cheating with. That had come right out of left field.

Dean felt a shiver of disgust run through him. His own brother! It wasn't like he was even gay. Or was he in this world? He thought he had better test that out. Johnny Depp? Nah! Brad Pitt? Nah! Angelina. Oh yeah! No, apparently he was straight in this world too, thank God.

So what was it with Sam? He had never, ever felt anything whatsoever unnatural for his baby brother. That he could swear on a stack of bibles. It would have been just sick. And Sam? Oh no, he wasn't about to believe for one second that HIS Sam would have ever felt THAT way about him. Not HIS Sam.

He was never going to understand what the hell had happened in this world to make it different, but he was sure as hell going to have to do something about it. Sam was his baby brother and, whatever crap Sam had managed to get himself into, it was Dean's job to get him out of it. Even this.

OK, soon as he could, he was going to break it off with his brother, sensitively and for his own good, and then send him on back to his lawful wife.

Then maybe Dean could just get on with the paradise part.

~o~

The brothers were sitting at a table in the back of a bar, where they could talk without being overheard.

"Sorry, Sam," Dean was saying. "It was a mistake. We can't go on doing what we been doing."

"No?" Sam asked desperately. "And why the hell not? After what you told me. After how you made me feel. Damn it, Dean, how you made me FEEL."

Dean tried not to think about what exactly his brother meant by that.

"Sam," he said firmly. "It's gotta end. Jess doesn't deserve this."

Sam sighed. "I KNOW Jess doesn't deserve this. But it's not about Jess. It's about you and me, and what we are to each other. You were right. I'm only half a person without you. Never felt that way about Jess."

It distressed Dean to hurt his little brother like this. But, after all, he was only doing what was right. It would be best for Sam in the end.

"You know it's wrong," he said.

Dean could see that Sam was fighting to hold back his tears as he stuttered,

"After we made love the first time, you held me and stared into my eyes, and you told me that nothing else in our lives had ever been so right. I believed you then, and I still do, Dean. We belong together."

That hit home, because the last point Dean couldn't deny. He knew he belonged with Sam.

"Sammy, Sammy," he whispered. "I'll ALWAYS be here for you. Just not in that way."

Sam threw back his whiskey without a word, stood up and headed for the door. Dean watched him leave and ran an anxious hand through his hair.

"Sorry, Sam," he muttered to himself. "Never meant to break your heart."

~o~

Two nights later there was a phone call at the Winchester home. John answered it and passed it straight to Dean.

"It's for you, son," he whispered. "It's Jess," he added, handing him the cordless handset. "Sounds kinda urgent."

Dean took the phone into the hall and closed the door. Mary raised a questioning eyebrow but John simply shrugged.

"Jess? What is it? Is Sam OK?" Dean demanded.

"He didn't come home, Dean," Jess sobbed. "I'm so worried. I called his office. They said he left early."

"It's probably nothing to worry about, Jess," Dean assured her, feeling worried himself. "Maybe he just needed a break. He works hard."

"Don't I know it," Jess agreed. "But he's been acting so strange lately. And I know you told me he WASN'T seeing anyone. But if he isn't then why? I'm scared, Dean."

Dean's instincts jumped into action. "Don't worry, Jess. I've got this. Just hang tight and I'll find him."

He hung up the call and went through the familiar process of tracing Sam's credit card. He soon had the name of the last place he had used it, a motel on the interstate. He grabbed his jacket and car keys, and headed on out.

John and Mary looked at each other when they heard the door slam.

"That boy's been acting kinda strange lately," John remarked.

~o~

Dean jumped into his car and drove like a maniac. He had no idea what Sam would be doing in some grungy motel, but it couldn't be good. Jess was at home worried sick about him, and it wasn't like Sam to do that to people for no reason.

Dean was flooring the gas and he didn't care. He knew all to well that Sam had the potential to run when things got complicated. He couldn't let that happen now. Sam was still his kid brother and he had to fix this.

~o~

Dean pulled up outside the motel and ran into the manager's office. The guy was gossiping with some old lady, and it looked like it was going to be a long chat. Dean pushed his face in between them, causing the old woman to protest.

"Need to know if this guy took a room here," Dean insisted, flashing the photo of Sam from his wallet under the manager's nose, and vaguely wondered why he had a photo of Sam in his wallet at all.

The guy squinted at the snap. "Who wants to know?" he demanded suspiciously.

"His wife," Dean answered.

The guy rolled his eyes. "His wife got her purse?" he asked pointedly.

Too agitated to rise to the insinuation, Dean ignored it. He pulled out a fifty dollar bill and slapped it on the desk.

"Sure," he said.

"Room 57," the guy supplied, hastily slipping the bill in his pocket.

TBC

A/N: Has Jess got good reason to be scared about Sam?


	3. Some Motel

Summary: Dean wakes up in an alternative world where everything seems perfect. But Sam has a secret. Inspired by 'What Is and What Should Never Be'. One-sided Wincest.

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A/N: So what is Sam doing at a motel? Final chapter...

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Meant To Be (Part 3 of 3: Some Motel) by frostygossamer

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Dean hauled ass to Room 57 and banged violently on the door.

"Sam!" he hollered. "Let me in, Sam!"

There was no reply. Dean considered kicking the door down. Or maybe he would just go get the manager and his damn pass key. Before he could decide, Sam opened the door. He looked like crap.

"Dean," he drawled wearily. "What're you doing here, man?"

"Jess called," Dean explained. "She was worried as hell."

"Oh, Jess," Sam muttered. "Jess called you, huh?"

"Sure she did. And thank God she did, man."

Sam threw himself into one of the chairs beside a small table. On the table was a bottle of pills, a half empty bottle of whiskey and a handgun. Dean took that in with a quick glance.

"Looks like I was just in time," he remarked dryly.

Sam gave a tired sigh and poured himself another shot.

"Reckon you came just a little too early, Dean," he said.

Dean pulled up a chair across from his brother. He picked up the gun, took out the bullets and put them in his jacket pocket, then put the gun back on the table.

"That's not the way," he said calmly.

Sam gave him a weak smile and exhaled deeply.

"Oh really? It's almost six months ago since I got YOUR cryptic freakin' goodbye text," he reminded Dean, "and found YOU here at this same damn motel, sitting at a table like this, with a bottle of sleeping pills, a fifth of jack and a loaded pistol. You were a freakin' wreck, Dean. Now I know exactly how that felt."

Dean gasped. So this was all his fault. HE was the serpent in this little paradise. Sam stared at him for a moment and then went on.

"You remember, huh? Dude, I used to think I was happy," he said, with a sigh. "The great job, Jess, my white-picket-fence life, it all seemed damn sweet. But you shot that the hell down."

"Sam..." Dean tried to interrupt. Sam ignored him.

"You smashed it to freakin' pieces when you told me that moving back in with Mom and Dad had been one big mistake, cos you had to see me with Jess all the damn time and it was tearing you apart. We had everything you could never have, because you could never have the one person you really wanted."

Dean grimaced. "I was probably trashed."

"Oh sure, you were," Sam agreed. "And if I hadn't gotten loaded too, I wouldn't've asked you, asked you why. Dean, I thought you meant Jess, so when you told me that person was ME, it blew me away. Your own brother! Jeez!"

He knocked back his glassful, groaned and carried on.

"Woulda walked out right then, 'cept I could see how much you were hurting. And you swore you were gonna end it all... cos you loved me like some damn fool, and it was sick and unforgivable."

"It was, Sam," Dean agreed. But Sam shook his head.

"Begged you not to do it," he continued. "Told you that MY life would be as good as over if you did something stupid like that. And then you tried to kiss me and I punched you right in the face."

"Man, I woulda deserved that," Dean observed. Sam sighed again, remembering.

"You just lay there curled up on the floor sobbing. I felt like a total freakin' heel. Put my arms around you and held you. The look on your face was so full of hurt and pain, and love, that, well... Didn't mean to kiss you..."

"Oh, Sammy," Dean muttered sadly.

"Everything you meant to me came together in that kiss, Dean. Suddenly I realized that you were my world, always had been. It was YOU who encouraged me to work hard at highschool, to go to Stanford, to qualify as a lawyer, not Dad, not Mom. And then I turned my back on you and married Jess, cos I thought that was what everyone expected from me."

Sam chuckled mirthlessly. "But without you behind me it was meaningless. I never knew, Dean. Never knew how you felt about me. Just went and married Jess and you never said word one. I am so freakin' sorry."

Dean shook his head slowly. "Sam, I just want you to be happy."

"But I WASN'T happy, Dean," Sam insisted. "Thought I was, but no. And when you said you loved me, then I knew I never truly had been. Couldn't be, because I wasn't with you, you jerk. I would NEVER have left you if I'd known I meant that much. Because I love Jess, sure I do, but she's never come CLOSE to you. NEVER.

Sam choked a little on his words as he went on.

"We spent that night together. We made love, Dean. And, in the morning, I woke to find you sleeping beside me... so perfect."

Sam paused as he recalled the moment.

"We agreed we'd have to meet up in secret, cos of Mom, Dad and Jess. Now you're gonna go back on the deal by quitting? Saying it's over? Dude, my life used to be just grey, now it's all the way black."

Dean suddenly couldn't bear the thought that he was causing his brother so much pain.

"Not saying it's over, Sam," he insisted. "Just saying not THIS way. It's hurting you way too much."

Sam shook his head. "But it's not, Dean. It's not. THIS is hurting me. But when we were together, THAT was beautiful. And I don't want it to be over. Can't go back to the fake-ass life I've been living."

Dean considered. It was up to him to make this right.

"OK," he finally said. "What say we draw a line under this clusterfuck and start something new?"

"Dean," Sam sobbed piteously. "Can't draw a freakin' line under US, man."

"Not US, Sam," Dean put him right. "I mean the picket fence crap. What say we go tell Jess that you need some space, take off, spend some time thinking this through. And then, if you wanna come back... Or, if not, we'll work something out."

"You talking about running away together?" Sam asked. He almost laughed.

"Kinda," Dean replied.

The incest thing freaked Dean out, but not living with his brother. Never that. If Sam didn't want to go back to Jess, there would ALWAYS be room for him in Dean's life.

The ghost of an uncertain smile appeared on Sam's face, and he chuckled nervously.

"I, uh, yeah. Sure," he agreed doubtfully.

Dean patted him on the shoulder. "Sam, my sole purpose in life has always been to make sure you're happy, keep you safe. Thought I was doing my job. But if what you need is something more... I'll always do my best."

So even paradise didn't always get things right. Dean had believed that Sam was meant to live the American Dream with Jess, but maybe that wasn't true. Maybe Sam and he were SUPPOSED to be living in each other's pockets. Maybe THAT was the natural order of things.

He could almost understand it now. Apparently some things were just meant to be. When circumstances threw Sam and him apart, an ineluctable vacuum always brought them back together, to find their equilibrium again. It was a force of nature and, in this world, had surfaced as an incestuous longing. Gay or not, that magnetic attraction had been stronger than both of them.

~o~

They spent the night together in that motel room. In the same double bed, yes, but not touching. The following morning they went to Sam's house, and Dean explained to Jess what she needed to know, while Sam packed. After a quick stop-by at the Winchester residence, Sam and Dean hit the highway. They meant to spend a few weeks on a road trip, until they decided what to do next.

Dean watched Sam slide into the seat beside him and sensed a weight lift from his shoulders. As he pulled away, Sam turned to him and grinned. Dean felt the contentment that came when the last component of his disassembled handgun snapped into place. Who was he kidding? Sam was never going back.

Dean drove the first few hours, then Sam took over while Dean dozed in shotgun. It was already dark when Sam woke him by hollering through the passenger window.

"I said 'we're here', dude. Get your stuff," Sam was saying.

Dean jolted awake. "Here where?" he demanded.

"Hicksville," Sam answered, grabbing his bag. "Location of the first tractor attack."

Dean frowned. "Freakin' tractor attack?"

Wait a minute. Weren't they investigating some possessed farm equipment crap a couple months ago? Before everything went Twilight Zone?

Dean got out of the Impala and stretched. Now that was better. Another scuzzy motel. Another monster hunt. Sounded like home.

If Dean were Sam, he would probably have worried some about the symbolism of that weird dream. Maybe he would have spent some time analyzing his suppressed longing for his brother? Had he unconsciously picked up something disturbing about his brother's feelings for him? But, Dean being Dean, he just filed it all in the thrash and blundered on.

"Dibs on the first shower," Sam called, sloughing off his jacket and boots.

"Yeah, sure," Dean responded automatically.

Then, just as Sam was walking through the bathroom door, Dean said,

"I do, uh, love you, bro. You know that, right Sam?"

Sam hesitated in the doorway, shirt half over his head. He shrugged it back on.

"Uh, likewise," he replied suspiciously.

He waited a moment and when nothing more was forthcoming, continued on into the bathroom.

Dean snickered to himself. "Big girly sap."

The End

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A/N: Status quo restored. Hope you liked it. :)


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